Saturday, December 20, 2008

The importance of thinking about ones spouse

There was a point at which the movie GWB struck me. It was when GWB at one point was seeking attention and approval from his father and yet his father was only paying attention to his brother.

In that case it was the emotional that mattered. The instant response that shows who you are thinking about.

I recently bought my spouse a glass rose. When I saw it I immediately thought of my wife and I went back and bought it for her later on. It was only a 20 dollar gift, but it had a very large emotional impact on us both and I think that it improved our relationship from a couple of issues we have had.

I think the lesson is that you should never let problems with your spouse get to you. You both work off of a set of expectations towards the other. And if one person is doing badly and changing those expectations for the worse you probably will need to show your emotions and change things for the worse. Because that is honest and honesty is important in relationships.

But once that honesty is done you should do something to reset things and show that you still care and that you are still thinking about her.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Is a love of the oppressor a bad thing?

A rare video by MLK

MLK may have often been criticized for his "Love of the oppressor" and his attempts to kindly reach out to those who disagreed with him.

But he was also very smart and very effective. And that is the way I want Obama to act as well.

I personally wish that I could be always surrounded and supported only by those who agree with me on everything too. But that is a wish of comfort. Not a wish of change.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

The way forward on the free markets

I think that the way we should be going is realizing that a blanket tariff is the best way to keep the market undistorted.

We have a blanket equal tax for people being paid incomes and it is a good idea to have the same for overseas products. Right now only having that tax on domestically produced goods creates a distorted market and a tax on foreign produced goods would equalize the field.

In addition to really equalize the field we would also need to institute real quality controls on such goods.

Ending the massive subsidies and lack of quality control to foreign produced goods is what is needed to bring back buying American.

The argument for those subsidies is that we get a lot of cheap goods, but we shouldn't be subsidizing china to give us cheap goods.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

A particularly tone deaf attack during the election

One thing I noticed from the election is how the attack for Obama saying that we should spread the wealth around went over.

Obama was talking about tax cuts for the middle class and Republicans called that socialism. It really says something that the current Republican party thinks that tax cuts for the middle class is socalism

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Why civil unions are not marrage

This is a visual metaphor, but it is also true. If I were to explain that I am really legally married to my wife it would also be revealing that I am transgendered because of the differences between civil unions and marrage.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

The transgender day of rememberance

Personally I disagree with the emphasis on the remembrance of violent deaths. I would much prefer to focus on the successes.

I can see the argument that you are ignoring the people worse off than you, but that is not generally why it is done. It is done because our minds form new ideas based on abstractions. Most people seen in society are the normative face. Thus if you present the normative face of transgendered people you get a better understanding from society. Instead of parents worried that their children will be brutally murdered you have parents knowing that their children can still do fine.

Likewise transgendered people themselves benefit too. Remembering only the bad things places an enormous burden on transgendered people. You are suggesting to them that if they transition they will be killed. Most will do so regardless, but it is still a heavy burden to bear.

I'd prefer to remember the successes.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Dance dance revolution

I bought the wii specifically for this product and I gotta say its lots of fun.

I am what I think is on the last level of the second one (pinnacle) and I know it will be a long long time before I ever beat the last song.

I probably wont in fact :)

Saturday, November 15, 2008

The effects of male horomones part 1

On another website I read I read the comment

Doesn’t it bother men that they’re treated like lobotomized zombies by marketers? I think it would bother me.

Let me relate a story. One time I was in best buy looking at some games. And I noticed one that had goblins and fantasy and such that I liked. The thing is is that it looked like some second rate generic knockoff that wouldn't be fun to play. And yet I almost bought it based purely on the pretty half naked woman on the cover.

I resisted because I am cheap, but to answer that question from my perspective is that I don't think they do. They enjoy having pictures of naked women everywhere. To men sex is much more like hunger than it is to women. To make a comparison a woman having sex is like eating a chocolate. It is enjoyable and satisfying because it is enjoyable. A man having sex is like eating a big mac. It is enjoyable because it is satisfying a hunger for a few hours. Seeing a naked woman like that somewhat satiates that hunger.

Keep in mind that before I transitioned and then met my wife I had no sex drive at all really. The hormones I was prescribed though recently went down a few years after I transitioned and thats what I based it on. So I can't tell you how men think. Only my guesses.

Resisting power struggles in relationships

Relationships are difficult because they are quite different from any other relationships we have in society.

One thing in particular that I have to resist is getting into power struggles. I know I have the tendency to favor an equal burden in the relatonship, but at the same time I know that places an unfair burden on her as I am more healthy mentally and physically. It is much easier to resist such impulses when she is pregnant as pregnancy itself is a pretty big burden.

Creepy Touchers

One thing I have had to adjust to since coming to the working world is dealing with the creepy older men.

The two places I have been there has been one I have met at each. The first one I was a bit too nice to and he ended up getting drunk and insulting my wife and coming on to me. Interestingly enough though after a few weeks we patched it up and still talked as friends. Unfortunately though I think I eventually drove him away as my humor can often tend towards the cruel with some people.

The other person at my new work place I just stopped talking to. I think he has gotten the hint.

I don't want to reveal too much of my personal life at work but I might just reveal that I am married so I don't have to deal with all that. Happily married men are much easier to deal with.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

A non alliance

I've noticed some voices in the African American community talking about how the gay community failed in its outreach to get prop 8 voted down.

I think thats true. I think the liberals in california wanted to believe that their state was really more liberal than it is and generally went with tone deaf arguments towards the people they were supposedly trying to convince. I don't try to convince conservatives because I have the same tendency.

But I think its missing the point. This isn't a failed alliance. This is open hostility more than any other racial group. African Americans just aren't a natural fit to ally with gay people. There will always be supporters who swim against the current such as Barack Obama, but they are the outliers. African American's have a strong church community and thats like trying to ally with mormons or catholics. Its trying to convince the hardliners rather than the moderates.

Probably a better solution from a racial perspective would be to outreach to asian people in my opinion as while they are traditionally conservative on the issue of sexuality and gender identity they are much more tolerant as they do not come from the western background and have a different view of conservatism.

Really though considering the slim margin probably enough old people will die and young people will become of voting age to pass it in two years so I don't think it should be too hard. I think the campaign was just poorly run and had no oxygen as electing Obama was just much more important. He is for national civil unions. That would help people outside of California.

I think the main thing to take away is that oppression does not breed sympathy for the other oppressed. Being an outsider in a group is what does that.

How do high amounts of sugar and vitamin D affect the brain?

Recently I've been having problems with mental issues (I believe because of stress as I went through an unsustainable period of stress for about a year and a half due to starting my first job and taking on too many responsibilities in a strange city all at once). It caused various issues like occasional blurriness in vision, a lot of pain on the left side of the body, an inability to think sometimes (this took a long time to occur, but the first thing I noticed before everything else was that I started seeing lots of floaters)

However recently I upped my vitamin D intake significantly by sunning and suppliments and I also increased my sugar intake through candy and I was pretty surprised at just how large of an effect they had in improving my problems. they aren't all gone away (though I think that the numbness in my fingers is just too much typing), but they have improved significantly.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Happiness is the chemical composition of the brain

Sounds fairly obvious, but what are the implications? Basically the implications are that events in your life really don't affect your happiness level unless they affect that chemical composition.

So instead of. "I feel bad because X was mean to me"

It is really "I feel bad because my brain is chemically imbalanced and that"s a convenient reason"

This is one thing I tell my spouse a lot because in my opinion she gets depressed from a lack of sunlight and feels better after I open up a window or two.

Getting the right person in charge is what matters

Rules and procedures are only useful in the sense that they can get and keep the right people. Rules and procedures never actually replace people though and the only thing that works is getting the right people in charge.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

A spelling mistake in the title

A few posts there already :)

Obama wins!

Senate seats still up in the air and gay marrage in CA, but Obama wins pretty overwhelmingly. This means a lot to my family and how our daughter will view the world.

I think that before Obama came onto the scene black people had an unduly pessimistic view of things because there were such conundrums as his grandmother who raised him, but was also afraid of black men. Now that conundrum has been made president and shown that most people just aren't secretly racist. They may have some troubles, but they are more skin deep and in my opinion simply due to leftovers from how the brain works. The irrational parts of the brain don't as easily change, but they can be overridden.

If the gay marriage amendment passes that will be sad for our family as it will be reflected in American culture. Fortunately our marriage will still exist, but it will be a symbolic setback and symbols are important. Especially if I ever move to California.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

China is due for a fall

One of these days (probably pretty soon in my opinion) China is going to hit a wall and stop growing and stop being watched. Back in the 50s Russia was considered a wunderkind of a growing economy. One day though it just stopped and never really recovered.

China is in that position today. It does not have the culture and it does not have the government to progress beyond a factory economy and other countries are going to be undercutting it on that pretty soon. It will have a ravaged environment and nothing to show except the failures of an unsustainable system.

Either that or powerful capitalists will get in charge and usher in modernizations and it goes somewhere. My opinion is that that doesn't happen though.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Nintendo Wii

I just got a nintendo Wii and DDR. Its hard getting into but very fun to play and definitely worth it.


One thing I found is that it is important to be around supportive family members when you start a relationship.

For a while I moved away from family earlier in the relationship, but a lot of unnecessary stress happened and it only really got resolved once I moved back and was back around my family.

Saturday, November 1, 2008


Currently I have found my emotions to be somewhat too strong at work. I think it is because of my naturally ADD nature and paying attention while fully awake gives me trouble. The stress unfortunately takes most of the day and weekend to decompress from. Fortunately most of the stress from being transgendered and hiding it is gone, but I still have too much and am trying various techniques to combat it.

One thing that helped was taking Ashwagandi . It forced the stress down and allowed me to think without it. Currently though I am stopping as I think it helped me enough to stop and I think the amount I am taking is too large to continue for a long time without side effects.

I need to relearn how to be half asleep when I do things as that is how I successfully managed school. I stopped when I had a long commute, but now that it is short again I need to relearn it.

My marrage went wonderfully

I had a great friend who setup the whole thing. She spent a bit more than I wanted, but it turned out great and wondering distant relatives (our aunts and uncles) understood that we are happy and we have a wonderful supportive community.

Before that I had my nails done for the first time and I have to say I really like having my nails done. They don't wear too well on me, but they are fun. I never really understood the whole sex in the city reinventing your look thing, but I have to say I understand it now and I intend on putting more effort into my looks.

First post!

Welcome to this blog.

About me. I am a transgedered lesbian mom who was recently married and is going to have a baby with my partner. Currently I intend to be anonymous on this blog as I am at work.

Here are the identifying facts about myself that I intend on revealing.

I live in a conservative state in a conservative area.

I am a software engineer.

I am white and married to a black woman.