link
I don’t know if it’s possible to reason it away.
It is possible to make it go away.
In my own case my hangups disappeared because my wife always saw me as a woman and I began to see myself how she saw me.
She never knew me before I transitioned and I think that was the most important thing.
The main thing that I learned from that is that how people see gender is incredibly sticky. Its in a part of our brain that is never designed to change.
The best way to describe it is that you see most daily things from a cache. Your eyes only see tiny pinpricks of light and the rest is reconstructed from memory. So when you see yourself you are seeing your memory of yourself.
Look up how mirror therapy can fix phantom limb pain http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/full/357/21/2206
The same applies to gender.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Thoughts on someone who didn't go through with transition
link
It reminds me of how he has gone from identifying as straight to identifying as gay back to straight, and done this several times - I think that he simply doesn’t have a label that fits him
Before I went on horomones and met my current wife I went through a similar period. In my own case it was because I could not be emotionally involved with anyone who didn’t see me as female.
the money, our son, moving back into the town where his unsupportive parents are
I didn’t mention this before by the way but hormones don’t have to be expensive. Mine cost me about 20 dollars a month.
But for him it may seem like an unorganic decision, but I have to say that after having my first child I understand it a lot better. I know that if I thought I had to choose between having another child or two and being true to myself it would be a difficult decision to make.
also know that he seems to have truly thought that the hormones, the surgery, so on and so forth, were what made him trans, because they made him “pass,” and he places a great deal of value on female beauty (trust. me.).
Its easier to appreciate the value of something when you don’t have it.
It reminds me of how he has gone from identifying as straight to identifying as gay back to straight, and done this several times - I think that he simply doesn’t have a label that fits him
Before I went on horomones and met my current wife I went through a similar period. In my own case it was because I could not be emotionally involved with anyone who didn’t see me as female.
the money, our son, moving back into the town where his unsupportive parents are
I didn’t mention this before by the way but hormones don’t have to be expensive. Mine cost me about 20 dollars a month.
But for him it may seem like an unorganic decision, but I have to say that after having my first child I understand it a lot better. I know that if I thought I had to choose between having another child or two and being true to myself it would be a difficult decision to make.
also know that he seems to have truly thought that the hormones, the surgery, so on and so forth, were what made him trans, because they made him “pass,” and he places a great deal of value on female beauty (trust. me.).
Its easier to appreciate the value of something when you don’t have it.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
post mortem on someone detransitioning
A response to this
I think it is impossible to assign a label without an action like that being more common. You may have almost nothing in common with people who did things similarly. I do know of the one guy in australia who had a similar thing happened, but he was a lot unhappier as he had already went through with SRS.
But if I had to guess it has something to do with confusing masculine and feminine and male and female. A drag queen who thinks that they are a transsexual will end up generally only with unhappiness.
I haven’t had much communication with him about since shortly before he decided to revert back to his birth gender, so I am not sure what the exact reasoning was behind it, except that the hormones were expensive, and I think he was worried about what impact this may have on our son - which was never a concern for me;
I think this is more an issue with the idea that hormones and SRS are the end all be all behind transitioning.
Being transgendered is in my opinion fundamentally a matter of your instincts not matching up with your body and way society treats you.
Among older people transitioning isn’t nearly as easy, effective, or even as useful. Because instincts change as you get older and have children.
I think it is impossible to assign a label without an action like that being more common. You may have almost nothing in common with people who did things similarly. I do know of the one guy in australia who had a similar thing happened, but he was a lot unhappier as he had already went through with SRS.
But if I had to guess it has something to do with confusing masculine and feminine and male and female. A drag queen who thinks that they are a transsexual will end up generally only with unhappiness.
I haven’t had much communication with him about since shortly before he decided to revert back to his birth gender, so I am not sure what the exact reasoning was behind it, except that the hormones were expensive, and I think he was worried about what impact this may have on our son - which was never a concern for me;
I think this is more an issue with the idea that hormones and SRS are the end all be all behind transitioning.
Being transgendered is in my opinion fundamentally a matter of your instincts not matching up with your body and way society treats you.
Among older people transitioning isn’t nearly as easy, effective, or even as useful. Because instincts change as you get older and have children.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Everything on the table in cuba
Cuba opening up
Its interesting to see cuba opening up. My guess is that the combination of the castros failing health and Obama getting elected were too much for them. They want to leave behind a legacy and Obama is the absolute perfect person for them to negotiate with.
Its interesting to see cuba opening up. My guess is that the combination of the castros failing health and Obama getting elected were too much for them. They want to leave behind a legacy and Obama is the absolute perfect person for them to negotiate with.
About detransitioning
A posting on detransitioning
The RLE aspect–the idea that there are tests to pass, results to collect–may have had negative rather than positive effects. While it may help people see and process their doubts and fallacies, it may also teach them to suppress them for fear that they will be unfairly delayed. If uncertainty means that you’re not really transsexual, well, maybe you just won’t be uncertain anymore.
I think this makes a fairly good point. We recognize the usefulness of a RLE, but what we don’t recognize is whether or not the current RLE is worth anything. The RLE shouldn’t currently be a binding authority. It should inform rather than decide.
Its important to remember that the RLE is currently only a hypothesis. As far as I know there are zero medical studies stating its effectiveness.
I personally didn’t have to go through any sort of RLE. I just had to show that I wasn’t crazy and was committed for six months.
That has its own issues because you get fakes who just want to convince you not to transition, but who wont tell you that until you have given them a bit of money.
It also creates a sort of ordeal-dynamic for the natural feelings of loss and gut-liquifying terror that accompany a change of this order. They become important, but perhaps not in the right way.
To me a future where I didn’t transition was a blank emptiness. There was no such future. So I had no reason to be afraid or to feel any loss because of it aside from normal worries like fitting in. It wasn’t really “transition or death”. Its more like “transition or something unthinkable”
Even now after transition though I still occasionally wonder if I made the right choice. When I think about it I can logically think about the health and other worries and compare. However the idea of living as a man is still something my mind can’t process on an emotional level.
So for me if I had to guess at an effective “nonbinding transgender evaluation” it would be on whether you have logical reasons for transition and emotional fears. Then you could follow up with the people who have been through it and if they are still content with their decision several years down the road you could say that it is worth something.
The RLE aspect–the idea that there are tests to pass, results to collect–may have had negative rather than positive effects. While it may help people see and process their doubts and fallacies, it may also teach them to suppress them for fear that they will be unfairly delayed. If uncertainty means that you’re not really transsexual, well, maybe you just won’t be uncertain anymore.
I think this makes a fairly good point. We recognize the usefulness of a RLE, but what we don’t recognize is whether or not the current RLE is worth anything. The RLE shouldn’t currently be a binding authority. It should inform rather than decide.
Its important to remember that the RLE is currently only a hypothesis. As far as I know there are zero medical studies stating its effectiveness.
I personally didn’t have to go through any sort of RLE. I just had to show that I wasn’t crazy and was committed for six months.
That has its own issues because you get fakes who just want to convince you not to transition, but who wont tell you that until you have given them a bit of money.
It also creates a sort of ordeal-dynamic for the natural feelings of loss and gut-liquifying terror that accompany a change of this order. They become important, but perhaps not in the right way.
To me a future where I didn’t transition was a blank emptiness. There was no such future. So I had no reason to be afraid or to feel any loss because of it aside from normal worries like fitting in. It wasn’t really “transition or death”. Its more like “transition or something unthinkable”
Even now after transition though I still occasionally wonder if I made the right choice. When I think about it I can logically think about the health and other worries and compare. However the idea of living as a man is still something my mind can’t process on an emotional level.
So for me if I had to guess at an effective “nonbinding transgender evaluation” it would be on whether you have logical reasons for transition and emotional fears. Then you could follow up with the people who have been through it and if they are still content with their decision several years down the road you could say that it is worth something.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)